Secret Diaries of Ignored People in LotR
by Mr. Kittlez
Summary: Well, I'm not just gonna tell you. Read it. Geez...
1. Elrohir

**Note:These diaries were inspired by The Secret Diaries of Casandra Claire. These are not a copy. I loved them very much and I just _had _to make my own. That is all.  
  
**

The Secret Diaries of Elohir Son of Elrond  
  


Day 1.  
Rode off into wild with Elladan earlier. Dad trying to show us his crown after he had Arwen wash it. Must admit: Am very big fan of shiny things but he was drunk. Couldn't cope. Ran away. Dad all teary now.  
  
Day 5.  
Am still in wild. Have hunch Elladan has a crush on me. Has begun doing creepy chicken dance in small bikini. Am somewhat impressed.  
  
Day 7.  
Have come back home. Dad all huggy and teary now. Am very sad I came back. Elladan sad too.   
We met Aragorn too. He skipped big supper because we had news. I love practical jokes. We made something up about Ringwraiths in Dagorlad. Haha, you should have seen his face! We told him not to tell anyone.  
  
Day 11.   
Went to big manly bonding session. Dad called it The Council of Elrond' when everyone knows it was a total copy of The View'.  
Gandalf told us he went to see the head of his order. What order?  
  
Day 15.  
Have decided that some hairy little man is going to go to the Cracks of Doom. Haha, that name is so funny! I burst out laughing in the middle of it.   
  
Day 19.  
Went out with Elladan today. Went skinny-dipping under the bridge that Arwen and Aragorn were talking on. No one tells me anything anymore. When did Arwen and Aragorn fall in love?  
  
Day 25.  
Broke up with Elladan after Dad said I had to be at least 7,000 years old to marry. We had it all planned out too.  
  
Day 29.  
Hairy little men babbling about missing some Shire.   
  
Day 36.  
Nine people went out to destroy pretty ring. Wanted it for myself. Asked if I could have it for wedding ring, but they said no.  
  
Day 40.  
Dad finally took bath.   
  
Day 46.  
Whatched superbowl today. Nine people with ring running for touchdown. Only two Hairy Little Men left.  
  
Day 49.  
Hairy Little Men finally made it to the last yard...  
  
  



	2. Haldir

Author's Note:Erm... Okay, one, I did get this idea from Cassie Clair's Secret Diaries, but I thought the content in mine up on my own, so yea. Now you can't yell at me.  
  
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**Secret Diaries Of Ignored People In The Lord of the Rings  
  
  
Haldir  
  
**

Day 1.  
In Lorien. Rumil and Orophin disappearing with each other, as usual.   
Ambassador-ish duties going well.   
  
Day 4.  
Galadriel got me some swimming trunks with what looks like little pot leaves all over them. She claimed it was keeping up the spirit of Lorien'.  
I resent this.  
  
Day 6.  
Word of Fellowship travelling around with each other. Claims it's to destroy Ring.  
Am suspecting other.  
  
Day 9.  
Went wading in Nimrodel. Not going to again.  
The fishies nip.  
Found Rumil and Orophin in Galadriel's Mirror.  
Who would want to go in there anyway?  
It reeks of Legolas and every other diary-writer's characters. Very odd. Think I shall now skewer eyes out.  
  
Day 13.  
Celeborn caught me in swim trunks. Continued to show all of Lorien the new in thing'.  
  
Day 15.  
Fellowship arrived in Lorien. I pulled my old The Dwarf breathes so loud I could have shot him in the dark' joke for the five-thousand three-hundred forty-eighth time. And no one laughed.  
Am losing touch.  
  
Later....  
  
Orc-raid. Am now picking up bodies.  
Orcs need tic-tacs.  
Memo To Self:Invent tic-tacs.  
  
Day 17.  
In Lothlorien. Rumil, Orophin and Legolas found in Galadriel's mirror.  
Proceeded to tell Legolas about the new in thing'.  
Legolas now running around looking like an Elvish stoner.  
Must remember to laugh later.  
  
Day 19.  
Fellowship getting ready to leave down great river.   
Galadriel says the Fellowship's going to break up.  
Probably wanna be alone.  
Poor guys.  
  
Day 21.  
Fellowship left.  
Am glad. Smelly old man (a.k.a Aragorn) wouldn't stop bothering me.  
Oh, Arwen... Arrrwweeennnn.... All the guy says whenever we get into conversation.  
Stupid crownless King.  
  
Day 25.  
Had nice lunch with Galadriel.  
She told me about her love-life with Saruman before Celeborn was born.  
Said he had pretty bowling ball (A/N:*cough*palantir*cough*)  
  
Day 28.  
Decided to try out mirror.  
Not so bad.  
Why don't Elven statues wear shirts?  
  
Day 34.  
Galadriel says Fellowship has broken up.  
Am not surprised.  
Must put them on Survivor: Middle-Earth.  
Memo To Self: Invent Survivor.  
  
Day 38.  
Rumil all teary. Said he lost his virginity.  
Quote:What do you mean, _lost_? Can't I get it back?  
Haha. Poor Rumil.  
  
Day 45.  
Rumil still teary.  
Orophin teary too.  
Have decided to run away for three weeks.  
  
Later....  
  
Packing to run away.  
Just hit me.  
I don't have a suitcase.  
Damn.  
Memo To Self: Invent suitcase.  
  
Day 48.  
Built super-secret lair behind local 7/11 today.  
I'm so smart.  
  
Day 51.  
Am in secret lair. Cardboard uncomfortable.  
Will have to buy furniture next pay check.  
Wait... I don't get a pay check.  
What kind of fool does Celeborn take me for?  
  
Day 53.  
Have asked Celeborn to get payed for services.  
Said money hadn't been invented yet. Told him about silver pennies. Said he didn't have any.  
I didn't know my lord was broke.  
  
Day 57.  
Galadriel wants me to lead an army of Elves to Helm's Deep.  
What kind of name is that anyway?  
  
Day 60.  
Am gearing up for big battle.  
Have very shiny armour. Showing it off.  
  
Later....  
  
Turns out annoying brothers are coming too.  
Crap.  
  
Day 63.  
Setting out tomorrow. Marching. i hate marching.  
We're supposed to march non-stop until we get there.  
  
Items:  
  
1 Elven Long Sword (sharpened)  
  
346 White-Feathered Elven Arrows (sharpened)  
  
4 Elven Daggers (sharpened... Duh)  
  
7 Elven Throwing Knives (sharpened)  
  
1 Spiffy Red Cloak (softened =D)  
  
1 Shiny Chestplate (shined and buffed)  
  
1 Pair Of Elven Boots (um... Shined?)  
  
1 Bottle Of Morphine (Just in case....)  
  
Day 65.  
Am marching. Don't know how I can march and write at the same time.  
Magic?  
  
Day 69.  
Almost to Helm's Deep.  
Still don't know how can march and write at same time.  
Rumil and Orophin continue to whisper and giggle.  
Am I the only straight one in this lot?  
  
Day 71.  
Came to gate.  
Théoden all happy.   
Remembered speech too. Must tell Galadriel so can get gold star to add to collection.  
If I survive.  
  
Later....  
  
Put Elven archers and other things of walls.   
Men are ninnies.  
My men will go in back, my lord.  
Pffft. Made sure I put some men up there too.  
  
Even Later....  
  
Théoden drew his men back while I wasn't looking.  
Saw anyway.  
Brought them back up.  
  
Even More Later....  
  
Théoden getting mad. Drew men back again.  
Brought his whole army in front right before battle.  
  
Even MORE Later....  
  
Battle has begun. Am shooting like crazy.   
Legolas ranting about shooting them where they were sensitive.  
Am shooting them in groin.  
Legolas says that's not what he meant.  
Oh, well.  
  
Even MORE Later  
  
Orophin dead from Orc-blade. Will have to tell Rumil.  
  
Even _MORE_ Later....  
  
Rumil dead too.  
Damn.  
No one to taunt when we get back.  
  
Even **_MORE_** Later....  
_If _we get back.  
Ouch.  
Now have axe-thingie in back.  
Aragorn rushing over and crying out.  
Get off me you smelly old man, were my last words to him.  
Never complyed.  
What an asshole.  
A smelly one.  
Smelly asshole.  
Hah.  
Oh, yea. Am dead now.  
Bye-bye.  
  
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Hn. Haldir's my favourite character too ;-; Damn PJ. I'll sue him! Buahahahahaha! *ahem* R&R please!


End file.
